The stars are far away
Friday, March 24, 2006
He smiled yesterday =)
so rare..
Random facts
1) Its back to the same old question and i'm pretty decided already.
2)I wish i was a better person and that i would treat everyone around better.
3) I will remember Quotient rule for the rest of my life !!!!!!!!!
4) Praise the Lord that he helped me through ao maths test today
5) I wish i could play badminton a lot better
6) i wish i was more motivated to train for badminton
7) i wish i had larger strides and could run faster
8) i miss playing the clarinet
9) Emu, Juju and Kiwi looks preeeeeetttyy good in Tpjc Uni
10) I need to come up with more arguments for Lit
11) I need to remember more quotes
12) Cold War intrigues me
13) Laughed real hard when i walk home with mich today
14) Closest distance ever today :))
15) I miss you..
Hahas yep a random entry and most people wouldn't understand the stuff i say but its okay =pPPp
Randomness rocks
i wonder if you noticed my disappearance..
¶ 7:42 PM
so rare..
Random facts
1) Its back to the same old question and i'm pretty decided already.
2)I wish i was a better person and that i would treat everyone around better.
3) I will remember Quotient rule for the rest of my life !!!!!!!!!
4) Praise the Lord that he helped me through ao maths test today
5) I wish i could play badminton a lot better
6) i wish i was more motivated to train for badminton
7) i wish i had larger strides and could run faster
8) i miss playing the clarinet
9) Emu, Juju and Kiwi looks preeeeeetttyy good in Tpjc Uni
10) I need to come up with more arguments for Lit
11) I need to remember more quotes
12) Cold War intrigues me
13) Laughed real hard when i walk home with mich today
14) Closest distance ever today :))
15) I miss you..
Hahas yep a random entry and most people wouldn't understand the stuff i say but its okay =pPPp
Randomness rocks
i wonder if you noticed my disappearance..
and i love your voice
¶ 7:42 PM
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
You're back
I had the shock of my life today.
You're back..
but i'm not too happy.
i don't know why..
oh gosh~ *faints*
i'm going to admit this for the first time but you are still very important to me ¶ 6:30 PM
You're back..
but i'm not too happy.
i don't know why..
oh gosh~ *faints*
i'm going to admit this for the first time but you are still very important to me ¶ 6:30 PM
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Girl: I don't like you or love you anymore
Guy: -Silence-
Girl: You are only hindering me
Guy: Okay..let's break up then
Girl: Okay
Both Guy and Girl smile at each other.
Guy and girl walk together to the corridor..
Girl: Goodbye
Guy: Bye
Both of them go their seperate ways..
Guy turns back
Guy: actually i stopped loving you for a long time
Girl: oh really ? *and walks away*
In their room
Girl: -to herself- remember don't cry..don't cry
Guy: -in tears- Why????????????????????????????
Love..no one ever said it was going to be easy. ¶ 2:21 PM
Guy: -Silence-
Girl: You are only hindering me
Guy: Okay..let's break up then
Girl: Okay
Both Guy and Girl smile at each other.
Guy and girl walk together to the corridor..
Girl: Goodbye
Guy: Bye
Both of them go their seperate ways..
Guy turns back
Guy: actually i stopped loving you for a long time
Girl: oh really ? *and walks away*
In their room
Girl: -to herself- remember don't cry..don't cry
Guy: -in tears- Why????????????????????????????
Love..no one ever said it was going to be easy. ¶ 2:21 PM
Saturday, March 18, 2006
your mum comes up to you and beats you on the shoulder sarcastically and says
" if you get angry so easily, you might as well go and die "
Can Somebody please tell me what am i suppose to do?
Is that where she wants me to end up..
Doesn't she know my heart has been shattered..i'mstandingthereallalone
¶ 12:45 PM
" if you get angry so easily, you might as well go and die "
Can Somebody please tell me what am i suppose to do?
Is that where she wants me to end up..
Doesn't she know my heart has been shattered..i'mstandingthereallalone
¶ 12:45 PM
You wake up on a saturday morning, everything is the same. Nothing has changed. You wake up wishing you could sleep more but decided that you should be up. You turn on the computer and then proceed to brush your teeth while you wait for the computer start up. You look around and realised that everyone is out.
Little brother is not home
Elder brother is not home
mum and dad are not home too
You think to yourself.. Hmms that's pretty normal. Little brother and elder brother must have gone out like what they always do on saturdays. Mum and dad must have gone to the market. You wonder what's for lunch cause mum and dad always buy back lunch on saturday.
Its 1050am and you are feeling bored so you turn on the television and stare aimlessly at it until the programme ends.
The tuning man is here today to turn your piano and you listen as the sound of the piano appears softly in the background. You proceed downstairs to look at how the tuning man is tuning the piano and he is dismantling your piano. You look on in awe at how skilful he is.
You realise that the tuning man is quite interesting and wonders why he settles for this job. You decide to tell your mum later about the tuning man.
Shortly after the tuning man leaves, your parents return and you are happy because you know lunch is here. However you receive a harsh scolding from your mum saying that your elder brother has dengue fever and you don't care about him at all. Your mum rattles on about how she has been rushing around the whole morning while you simply don't care.
You are taken aback and you don't know what to say.
Your heart shatters because you don't know anything and you care so much yet your mum tells you that you don't care about the family or your brother who has dengue.
The heart shatters..
You tell your mum how unfair she is being because YESTERDAY NIGHT, YOUR BROTHER WAS STILL WATCHING THE TELEVISION WITH YOUR FATHER AT MIDNIGHT AND HE HAS BEEN SICK FOR THE PAST WEEK ! WHILE YOU YOURSELF WAS ALSO SERIOUSLY ILL. YOU SHARE THE SAME SIGNS AS YOUR ELDER BROTHER.
HIGH FEVER
BAD THROAT
LOST OF APPETITE
you recovered in 5 days on your own without anyone taking care of you. Nobody put a towel on your head while you were running a high fever. You yourself struggled to get the ice pack. Nobody prepared salt water for you to gargle when you had a bad throat. Nobody fed you your medicine. Nobody patted your bag when you were viomitting.
Yet when your brother had a fever, you fed him medicine.
you prepared a towel for him.
you patted his back when he viomitted
you told him to gargle salt so that his throat wouldn't hurt that bad
and all you get from your mum is you don't care about your brother, don't you.
the heart shatters
You thought it would be very serious. DENGUE but then you realise that your brother isn't hospitalised and is home. What is he doing..he is online and listening to music. So much for having dengue..so much for being sick. If you are so ill why aren't you in the hospital. apparently you aren't as ill as i thought you are.
I am angry at you for grabbing all of mummy's attention
I am furious that mummy says i don't give a damn
i regret caring so much for this family
when all they say is i don't care.
the heart shatters.
Your mum doesn't listen to you..she just continues to be busy in the kitchen ignoring everything you say because to her, you are not important.
You tried so hard to be a good independent who doesn't seek for her attention.
When you are ill, you always try to recover on your own.
and all your mum can say is you don't care about the family.
you don't care about her.
she says you are worse than your little brother cause apparently he cares more because he asked about your elder brother's situation.
WHERE WAS HE WHEN ELDER BROTHER WAS VIOMITTING AND DID HE EVER FEED HIM MEDICINE..
the heart shatters.
ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS MUM ..
apparently words work for you. you love empty vessels the best..
I'm this close to giving up..
Sometimes when the hurt runs too deep, something inside just shuts down..
shuts down..
because this time round..i'm hurt. I'm really hurt..because i cared so much and just because i woke up late on a saturday morning and don't know anything cause nobody said anything and i was alone with the maid at home you think i don't give a damn
from now on..i'm not going to give a damn
i'm not going to care if anyone is sick
i'm not going to care if its your birthday
i'm not going to remind the rest when it is your birthday
i'm not going to care if anything happens to the family
i'm just going to let your words manifest..
when those words came out from your mouth..you lost a daughter..you lost me for good.
i'mnotgoingtobloodycareanymorecausei'mprettymuchdeadinside. ¶ 12:19 PM
Little brother is not home
Elder brother is not home
mum and dad are not home too
You think to yourself.. Hmms that's pretty normal. Little brother and elder brother must have gone out like what they always do on saturdays. Mum and dad must have gone to the market. You wonder what's for lunch cause mum and dad always buy back lunch on saturday.
Its 1050am and you are feeling bored so you turn on the television and stare aimlessly at it until the programme ends.
The tuning man is here today to turn your piano and you listen as the sound of the piano appears softly in the background. You proceed downstairs to look at how the tuning man is tuning the piano and he is dismantling your piano. You look on in awe at how skilful he is.
You realise that the tuning man is quite interesting and wonders why he settles for this job. You decide to tell your mum later about the tuning man.
Shortly after the tuning man leaves, your parents return and you are happy because you know lunch is here. However you receive a harsh scolding from your mum saying that your elder brother has dengue fever and you don't care about him at all. Your mum rattles on about how she has been rushing around the whole morning while you simply don't care.
You are taken aback and you don't know what to say.
Your heart shatters because you don't know anything and you care so much yet your mum tells you that you don't care about the family or your brother who has dengue.
The heart shatters..
You tell your mum how unfair she is being because YESTERDAY NIGHT, YOUR BROTHER WAS STILL WATCHING THE TELEVISION WITH YOUR FATHER AT MIDNIGHT AND HE HAS BEEN SICK FOR THE PAST WEEK ! WHILE YOU YOURSELF WAS ALSO SERIOUSLY ILL. YOU SHARE THE SAME SIGNS AS YOUR ELDER BROTHER.
HIGH FEVER
BAD THROAT
LOST OF APPETITE
you recovered in 5 days on your own without anyone taking care of you. Nobody put a towel on your head while you were running a high fever. You yourself struggled to get the ice pack. Nobody prepared salt water for you to gargle when you had a bad throat. Nobody fed you your medicine. Nobody patted your bag when you were viomitting.
Yet when your brother had a fever, you fed him medicine.
you prepared a towel for him.
you patted his back when he viomitted
you told him to gargle salt so that his throat wouldn't hurt that bad
and all you get from your mum is you don't care about your brother, don't you.
the heart shatters
You thought it would be very serious. DENGUE but then you realise that your brother isn't hospitalised and is home. What is he doing..he is online and listening to music. So much for having dengue..so much for being sick. If you are so ill why aren't you in the hospital. apparently you aren't as ill as i thought you are.
I am angry at you for grabbing all of mummy's attention
I am furious that mummy says i don't give a damn
i regret caring so much for this family
when all they say is i don't care.
the heart shatters.
Your mum doesn't listen to you..she just continues to be busy in the kitchen ignoring everything you say because to her, you are not important.
You tried so hard to be a good independent who doesn't seek for her attention.
When you are ill, you always try to recover on your own.
and all your mum can say is you don't care about the family.
you don't care about her.
she says you are worse than your little brother cause apparently he cares more because he asked about your elder brother's situation.
WHERE WAS HE WHEN ELDER BROTHER WAS VIOMITTING AND DID HE EVER FEED HIM MEDICINE..
the heart shatters.
ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS MUM ..
apparently words work for you. you love empty vessels the best..
I'm this close to giving up..
Sometimes when the hurt runs too deep, something inside just shuts down..
shuts down..
because this time round..i'm hurt. I'm really hurt..because i cared so much and just because i woke up late on a saturday morning and don't know anything cause nobody said anything and i was alone with the maid at home you think i don't give a damn
from now on..i'm not going to give a damn
i'm not going to care if anyone is sick
i'm not going to care if its your birthday
i'm not going to remind the rest when it is your birthday
i'm not going to care if anything happens to the family
i'm just going to let your words manifest..
when those words came out from your mouth..you lost a daughter..you lost me for good.
i'mnotgoingtobloodycareanymorecausei'mprettymuchdeadinside. ¶ 12:19 PM
Monday, March 13, 2006
When is the right time, the right time?
This question has been haunting me.."is it time to let go? "
¶ 4:36 PM
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Scouts
Hahas my daddy just invited 3 scouts to help him wash his car.
Rolls on the floor~ this is such a funny sight. ¶ 1:20 PM
Rolls on the floor~ this is such a funny sight. ¶ 1:20 PM
Today i have the urge to type a very long entry. Guess its because i'm all alone at home now *stares at the ceiling* Everyone is so busy..buzzing around like bumble bees.
Firstly fever has finally subsided and my appetite is back. I'm afraid that my fever would return again though cause my temperature keeps flactuating. I'm trying very hard not to sleep because i have been sleeping like 20 hours for the past two days. Mama told me to try to keep myself awake so i ended up watching television with her yesterday. Let's see, i started to sit infront of the squarish thingy from 9pm and i went to bed at 1am.
I like the last show that i watched. Its a very old movie but it has a very nice twist at the ending. I like~ :))
Anyway about my illness, my mum suspects that i might have gastric flu so i might be going back to visit Doctor Lau if i don't recover by monday.Sucks to be ill !
Oh and people i have a very good tip for all of you who suffers from sore throat: Gargle salt water, it really works =D. I tried it yesterday and my throat felt a lot better. At least it doesn't hurt as much when i swallow my saliva.
Yesterday was horrible and i vomited 5 times and the fever just wouldn't go away. Everything i ate ended up in the toilet bowl. At that moment i wished mummy was here so that i could hug her. I kept looking at the clock to see if its 8pm yet. That's when mummy comes home from work. I feel like a baby ~ Daddy, ryan and kel are ill too. Mummy's the sole survivor ! *salutes mummy*
I wish i could recover fully real soon then i can get down to studying. Got so much work to catch up. I cannot afford to fall ill so often.
So what Jingfang should do from now on is..
1) Drink more water !!!!
2) Eat more vegetable and fruits
3) Eat less tibits ( they are the cause of my illness this time round )
4) Have sufficient rest
5) Do not stress myself unnecessarily
that reminds me..i have sudden craving for watermelon. I don't know why. Whenever i have fever, i feel like having either grapes or watermelon *slurps*madness
I don't mind having jelly too =xXx I just want something cold.
Any explanation for the craving for cold stuff ?
And i missed the badminton trials on wednesday and friday !!! I wonder how the juniors will be like..
Oh and CONGRATS TO JUJU !!!!!!!!!! He managed to appeal back to Tpjc. *hugs* Now JingHuang wouldn't be so depressed hahas =xXx
Once again i'm going to type this ( so little time, so much to do )..
I got to start concentrating and focusing on my studies.
More importantly..Lord turn my heart back to you.
I met you before the fall of rome..
Firstly fever has finally subsided and my appetite is back. I'm afraid that my fever would return again though cause my temperature keeps flactuating. I'm trying very hard not to sleep because i have been sleeping like 20 hours for the past two days. Mama told me to try to keep myself awake so i ended up watching television with her yesterday. Let's see, i started to sit infront of the squarish thingy from 9pm and i went to bed at 1am.
I like the last show that i watched. Its a very old movie but it has a very nice twist at the ending. I like~ :))
Anyway about my illness, my mum suspects that i might have gastric flu so i might be going back to visit Doctor Lau if i don't recover by monday.
Oh and people i have a very good tip for all of you who suffers from sore throat: Gargle salt water, it really works =D. I tried it yesterday and my throat felt a lot better. At least it doesn't hurt as much when i swallow my saliva.
Yesterday was horrible and i vomited 5 times and the fever just wouldn't go away. Everything i ate ended up in the toilet bowl. At that moment i wished mummy was here so that i could hug her. I kept looking at the clock to see if its 8pm yet. That's when mummy comes home from work. I feel like a baby ~ Daddy, ryan and kel are ill too. Mummy's the sole survivor ! *salutes mummy*
I wish i could recover fully real soon then i can get down to studying. Got so much work to catch up. I cannot afford to fall ill so often.
So what Jingfang should do from now on is..
1) Drink more water !!!!
2) Eat more vegetable and fruits
3) Eat less tibits ( they are the cause of my illness this time round )
4) Have sufficient rest
5) Do not stress myself unnecessarily
that reminds me..i have sudden craving for watermelon. I don't know why. Whenever i have fever, i feel like having either grapes or watermelon *slurps*
I don't mind having jelly too =xXx I just want something cold.
Any explanation for the craving for cold stuff ?
And i missed the badminton trials on wednesday and friday !!! I wonder how the juniors will be like..
Oh and CONGRATS TO JUJU !!!!!!!!!! He managed to appeal back to Tpjc. *hugs* Now JingHuang wouldn't be so depressed hahas =xXx
Once again i'm going to type this ( so little time, so much to do )..
I got to start concentrating and focusing on my studies.
More importantly..Lord turn my heart back to you.
I met you before the fall of rome..
Thursday, March 09, 2006
We got to move on..but we wouldn't forget
Guess what people..
Ms Ng Jingfang has fallen ill again
Sigh !!!! This is like the 12378912546895467 times i'm ill this year !!!!!
I'm having a very bad throat, fever at 38.3 Degree Celcius,a splitting headache and a bad tummy.
So my advice to everyone: Puh-lease take good care of your health and drink lots of water.
Really sucks to fall ill.
And Literature faculty test is tomorrow !!!!!!!!!
How am i going to study for it. I need help.
Anyway something very sad happened recently.
To all family and classmates and friends of the schoolmate of mine: Be Strong and take comfort that he touched the lives of many.
Moving on doesn't mean forgetting. He will always be in our hearts.
Many questions are left unanswered. Maybe we don't need to know the answer cause it wouldn't lessen the pain and it wouldn't change the fact that he's gone.
I think my principal isn't handling the situation well at all *Sigh*
Thank you for being so positive. It comforts me to know that you are prepared to face the harsh reality of life. ¶ 12:02 PM
Ms Ng Jingfang has fallen ill again
Sigh !!!! This is like the 12378912546895467 times i'm ill this year !!!!!
I'm having a very bad throat, fever at 38.3 Degree Celcius,a splitting headache and a bad tummy.
So my advice to everyone: Puh-lease take good care of your health and drink lots of water.
Really sucks to fall ill.
And Literature faculty test is tomorrow !!!!!!!!!
How am i going to study for it. I need help.
Anyway something very sad happened recently.
To all family and classmates and friends of the schoolmate of mine: Be Strong and take comfort that he touched the lives of many.
Moving on doesn't mean forgetting. He will always be in our hearts.
Many questions are left unanswered. Maybe we don't need to know the answer cause it wouldn't lessen the pain and it wouldn't change the fact that he's gone.
I think my principal isn't handling the situation well at all *Sigh*
Thank you for being so positive. It comforts me to know that you are prepared to face the harsh reality of life. ¶ 12:02 PM
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Nicole and Xinling's departure
I'm talking to Xinling now..
And i realised how much i miss 1st three months..
cause talking to her still makes me cry..
i miss nicole and xinling so much..so so so so so much..=(
I don't blame them for leaving..
I blame them for allowing me to miss them.. ¶ 9:13 PM
And i realised how much i miss 1st three months..
cause talking to her still makes me cry..
i miss nicole and xinling so much..so so so so so much..=(
I don't blame them for leaving..
I blame them for allowing me to miss them.. ¶ 9:13 PM
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
My special friend
To a special friend
I sense your frustration
I sense your pain
I sense your sadness
I sense that you are this close to your breaking point
I sense that you are unhappy
I sense your weariness
I sense your reluctance
I sense your hopelessness
I sense that you lost all motivation
I sense that you are lost admist the crowd
and yet i sense that there's nothing i can do.
Absolutely nothing
Everything you fall into such a state of mind, i'm left feeling helpless. I can feel all your pain, all the hurt you are going through. Yet there's nothing i can do to make you feel better. I'm sorry ! I really am that every single time you fall, i try so hard to catch you but i fail miserably.
I'm really clueless. I don't know what to say, what to do, what to think to make you feel better.
Whenever i lose my direction, gently you'll bring me back
Whenever you lose your direction, i see you drift further and further. Struggling all alone.
I'm sorry.
Tell me that everything is going to be okay. tell me you are going to be okay.
In times like that, i wish i could tell you everything ¶ 9:20 PM
I sense your frustration
I sense your pain
I sense your sadness
I sense that you are this close to your breaking point
I sense that you are unhappy
I sense your weariness
I sense your reluctance
I sense your hopelessness
I sense that you lost all motivation
I sense that you are lost admist the crowd
and yet i sense that there's nothing i can do.
Absolutely nothing
Everything you fall into such a state of mind, i'm left feeling helpless. I can feel all your pain, all the hurt you are going through. Yet there's nothing i can do to make you feel better. I'm sorry ! I really am that every single time you fall, i try so hard to catch you but i fail miserably.
I'm really clueless. I don't know what to say, what to do, what to think to make you feel better.
Whenever i lose my direction, gently you'll bring me back
Whenever you lose your direction, i see you drift further and further. Struggling all alone.
I'm sorry.
Tell me that everything is going to be okay. tell me you are going to be okay.
In times like that, i wish i could tell you everything ¶ 9:20 PM
Weird
Something odd happened to me yesterday..
I went to get my lunch after school at tampines mart and i walked pass this little girl who was crying and her mum was scolding her very badly.
i was like " Okay ~.."
then i proceeded to get my food and then the next thing i know as i waited for my food to arrive, her mum was right beside me.
*HORRORS*
She started to talk to me in malay even though she's chinese. She had the impression that i'm malay ( like what's new hahas =x ) and she asked me if i could buy chocolate for her kid ( the little girl who was crying so badly)
I was like " Hahahahaha"
and she went " Hahahahahaha"
(-_-")
so i started to talk to her and found out that the kid was crying because she wanted chocolate but her mum couldn't afford it.
Then whenever her mum started to tell me that the little girl is greedy and all, the little girl would pout and grab her mum's breast !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*GASPS*
Anyway the little girl is really adorable ( minus that the fact that she would grab her mum's breast whenever her mum reprimands her ) and hahas instead of buying the $1.50 chocolate which she wanted initially..she chose the $2.50 chocolate.
Kids ~ hahas but i was really amused by this incident ! and i realised how lucky i am because mama always buys chocolate for me whenever i have sudden cravings. I truly am blessed by the Lord =).. so i don't mind making a kid's day by buying chocolate for her lalalala~
Anyway many seniors were crying today when they got their A level results. I have no idea if they are tears of joy or sadness. The whole scene scared me. I don't want to cry when i get my results next year.
I'm worried !
and i don't dare to ask him for his grades. I hope he did well. hmms..
Oh and darling got A2 for chinese *yayness* super proud of darling hahas..
I hope everything went well for you and i managed to catch of glimpse of you :)) i miss your presence.. ¶ 8:36 PM
I went to get my lunch after school at tampines mart and i walked pass this little girl who was crying and her mum was scolding her very badly.
i was like " Okay ~.."
then i proceeded to get my food and then the next thing i know as i waited for my food to arrive, her mum was right beside me.
*HORRORS*
She started to talk to me in malay even though she's chinese. She had the impression that i'm malay ( like what's new hahas =x ) and she asked me if i could buy chocolate for her kid ( the little girl who was crying so badly)
I was like " Hahahahaha"
and she went " Hahahahahaha"
(-_-")
so i started to talk to her and found out that the kid was crying because she wanted chocolate but her mum couldn't afford it.
Then whenever her mum started to tell me that the little girl is greedy and all, the little girl would pout and grab her mum's breast !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*GASPS*
Anyway the little girl is really adorable ( minus that the fact that she would grab her mum's breast whenever her mum reprimands her ) and hahas instead of buying the $1.50 chocolate which she wanted initially..she chose the $2.50 chocolate.
Kids ~ hahas but i was really amused by this incident ! and i realised how lucky i am because mama always buys chocolate for me whenever i have sudden cravings. I truly am blessed by the Lord =).. so i don't mind making a kid's day by buying chocolate for her lalalala~
Anyway many seniors were crying today when they got their A level results. I have no idea if they are tears of joy or sadness. The whole scene scared me. I don't want to cry when i get my results next year.
I'm worried !
and i don't dare to ask him for his grades. I hope he did well. hmms..
Oh and darling got A2 for chinese *yayness* super proud of darling hahas..
I hope everything went well for you and i managed to catch of glimpse of you :)) i miss your presence.. ¶ 8:36 PM
