Saturday, March 18, 2006
You wake up on a saturday morning, everything is the same. Nothing has changed. You wake up wishing you could sleep more but decided that you should be up. You turn on the computer and then proceed to brush your teeth while you wait for the computer start up. You look around and realised that everyone is out.
Little brother is not home
Elder brother is not home
mum and dad are not home too
You think to yourself.. Hmms that's pretty normal. Little brother and elder brother must have gone out like what they always do on saturdays. Mum and dad must have gone to the market. You wonder what's for lunch cause mum and dad always buy back lunch on saturday.
Its 1050am and you are feeling bored so you turn on the television and stare aimlessly at it until the programme ends.
The tuning man is here today to turn your piano and you listen as the sound of the piano appears softly in the background. You proceed downstairs to look at how the tuning man is tuning the piano and he is dismantling your piano. You look on in awe at how skilful he is.
You realise that the tuning man is quite interesting and wonders why he settles for this job. You decide to tell your mum later about the tuning man.
Shortly after the tuning man leaves, your parents return and you are happy because you know lunch is here. However you receive a harsh scolding from your mum saying that your elder brother has dengue fever and you don't care about him at all. Your mum rattles on about how she has been rushing around the whole morning while you simply don't care.
You are taken aback and you don't know what to say.
Your heart shatters because you don't know anything and you care so much yet your mum tells you that you don't care about the family or your brother who has dengue.
The heart shatters..
You tell your mum how unfair she is being because YESTERDAY NIGHT, YOUR BROTHER WAS STILL WATCHING THE TELEVISION WITH YOUR FATHER AT MIDNIGHT AND HE HAS BEEN SICK FOR THE PAST WEEK ! WHILE YOU YOURSELF WAS ALSO SERIOUSLY ILL. YOU SHARE THE SAME SIGNS AS YOUR ELDER BROTHER.
HIGH FEVER
BAD THROAT
LOST OF APPETITE
you recovered in 5 days on your own without anyone taking care of you. Nobody put a towel on your head while you were running a high fever. You yourself struggled to get the ice pack. Nobody prepared salt water for you to gargle when you had a bad throat. Nobody fed you your medicine. Nobody patted your bag when you were viomitting.
Yet when your brother had a fever, you fed him medicine.
you prepared a towel for him.
you patted his back when he viomitted
you told him to gargle salt so that his throat wouldn't hurt that bad
and all you get from your mum is you don't care about your brother, don't you.
the heart shatters
You thought it would be very serious. DENGUE but then you realise that your brother isn't hospitalised and is home. What is he doing..he is online and listening to music. So much for having dengue..so much for being sick. If you are so ill why aren't you in the hospital. apparently you aren't as ill as i thought you are.
I am angry at you for grabbing all of mummy's attention
I am furious that mummy says i don't give a damn
i regret caring so much for this family
when all they say is i don't care.
the heart shatters.
Your mum doesn't listen to you..she just continues to be busy in the kitchen ignoring everything you say because to her, you are not important.
You tried so hard to be a good independent who doesn't seek for her attention.
When you are ill, you always try to recover on your own.
and all your mum can say is you don't care about the family.
you don't care about her.
she says you are worse than your little brother cause apparently he cares more because he asked about your elder brother's situation.
WHERE WAS HE WHEN ELDER BROTHER WAS VIOMITTING AND DID HE EVER FEED HIM MEDICINE..
the heart shatters.
ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS MUM ..
apparently words work for you. you love empty vessels the best..
I'm this close to giving up..
Sometimes when the hurt runs too deep, something inside just shuts down..
shuts down..
because this time round..i'm hurt. I'm really hurt..because i cared so much and just because i woke up late on a saturday morning and don't know anything cause nobody said anything and i was alone with the maid at home you think i don't give a damn
from now on..i'm not going to give a damn
i'm not going to care if anyone is sick
i'm not going to care if its your birthday
i'm not going to remind the rest when it is your birthday
i'm not going to care if anything happens to the family
i'm just going to let your words manifest..
when those words came out from your mouth..you lost a daughter..you lost me for good.
i'mnotgoingtobloodycareanymorecausei'mprettymuchdeadinside. ¶ 12:19 PM
Little brother is not home
Elder brother is not home
mum and dad are not home too
You think to yourself.. Hmms that's pretty normal. Little brother and elder brother must have gone out like what they always do on saturdays. Mum and dad must have gone to the market. You wonder what's for lunch cause mum and dad always buy back lunch on saturday.
Its 1050am and you are feeling bored so you turn on the television and stare aimlessly at it until the programme ends.
The tuning man is here today to turn your piano and you listen as the sound of the piano appears softly in the background. You proceed downstairs to look at how the tuning man is tuning the piano and he is dismantling your piano. You look on in awe at how skilful he is.
You realise that the tuning man is quite interesting and wonders why he settles for this job. You decide to tell your mum later about the tuning man.
Shortly after the tuning man leaves, your parents return and you are happy because you know lunch is here. However you receive a harsh scolding from your mum saying that your elder brother has dengue fever and you don't care about him at all. Your mum rattles on about how she has been rushing around the whole morning while you simply don't care.
You are taken aback and you don't know what to say.
Your heart shatters because you don't know anything and you care so much yet your mum tells you that you don't care about the family or your brother who has dengue.
The heart shatters..
You tell your mum how unfair she is being because YESTERDAY NIGHT, YOUR BROTHER WAS STILL WATCHING THE TELEVISION WITH YOUR FATHER AT MIDNIGHT AND HE HAS BEEN SICK FOR THE PAST WEEK ! WHILE YOU YOURSELF WAS ALSO SERIOUSLY ILL. YOU SHARE THE SAME SIGNS AS YOUR ELDER BROTHER.
HIGH FEVER
BAD THROAT
LOST OF APPETITE
you recovered in 5 days on your own without anyone taking care of you. Nobody put a towel on your head while you were running a high fever. You yourself struggled to get the ice pack. Nobody prepared salt water for you to gargle when you had a bad throat. Nobody fed you your medicine. Nobody patted your bag when you were viomitting.
Yet when your brother had a fever, you fed him medicine.
you prepared a towel for him.
you patted his back when he viomitted
you told him to gargle salt so that his throat wouldn't hurt that bad
and all you get from your mum is you don't care about your brother, don't you.
the heart shatters
You thought it would be very serious. DENGUE but then you realise that your brother isn't hospitalised and is home. What is he doing..he is online and listening to music. So much for having dengue..so much for being sick. If you are so ill why aren't you in the hospital. apparently you aren't as ill as i thought you are.
I am angry at you for grabbing all of mummy's attention
I am furious that mummy says i don't give a damn
i regret caring so much for this family
when all they say is i don't care.
the heart shatters.
Your mum doesn't listen to you..she just continues to be busy in the kitchen ignoring everything you say because to her, you are not important.
You tried so hard to be a good independent who doesn't seek for her attention.
When you are ill, you always try to recover on your own.
and all your mum can say is you don't care about the family.
you don't care about her.
she says you are worse than your little brother cause apparently he cares more because he asked about your elder brother's situation.
WHERE WAS HE WHEN ELDER BROTHER WAS VIOMITTING AND DID HE EVER FEED HIM MEDICINE..
the heart shatters.
ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS MUM ..
apparently words work for you. you love empty vessels the best..
I'm this close to giving up..
Sometimes when the hurt runs too deep, something inside just shuts down..
shuts down..
because this time round..i'm hurt. I'm really hurt..because i cared so much and just because i woke up late on a saturday morning and don't know anything cause nobody said anything and i was alone with the maid at home you think i don't give a damn
from now on..i'm not going to give a damn
i'm not going to care if anyone is sick
i'm not going to care if its your birthday
i'm not going to remind the rest when it is your birthday
i'm not going to care if anything happens to the family
i'm just going to let your words manifest..
when those words came out from your mouth..you lost a daughter..you lost me for good.
i'mnotgoingtobloodycareanymorecausei'mprettymuchdeadinside. ¶ 12:19 PM
