The stars are far away
Monday, November 29, 2004
I miss you
I miss you
I want to have you by my side,
these words echos in the night.
i want to hold you, my heart aches,
but i know love isn't just give and take.
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
The more time i spend with you,
the more i yearn to say "Ashitaru"
Why can't you be with me, to hold me tight.
All because you don't feel the same, am i right ?
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
The thought of you lits up my life.
The smile on your face lifts up my soul,
but without you, my heart sighs
because the smile isn't for me, i know.
i'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
Now i have memories to last through the night.
To give me warmth when all dims to dark light.
Will you ever know how i feel inside,
that the way i look at you isn't simply a game of sight.
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
To ignore the voice within,
or to follow my heart and dream.
i do feel for you, i'm not kidding.
How can i start to make you see the link.
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
All will end up in vain, it always do.
Maybe i should simply admire and keep cool.
Then you'll never know that there was a girl,
who couldn't tell you that she loves you.
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
-can't you see without you my soul cried-
+fang+
¶ 5:54 PM
I want to have you by my side,
these words echos in the night.
i want to hold you, my heart aches,
but i know love isn't just give and take.
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
The more time i spend with you,
the more i yearn to say "Ashitaru"
Why can't you be with me, to hold me tight.
All because you don't feel the same, am i right ?
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
The thought of you lits up my life.
The smile on your face lifts up my soul,
but without you, my heart sighs
because the smile isn't for me, i know.
i'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
Now i have memories to last through the night.
To give me warmth when all dims to dark light.
Will you ever know how i feel inside,
that the way i look at you isn't simply a game of sight.
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
To ignore the voice within,
or to follow my heart and dream.
i do feel for you, i'm not kidding.
How can i start to make you see the link.
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
All will end up in vain, it always do.
Maybe i should simply admire and keep cool.
Then you'll never know that there was a girl,
who couldn't tell you that she loves you.
I'm missing you so badly,
Its hurting to breathe.
-can't you see without you my soul cried-
+fang+
¶ 5:54 PM
Primary six camp =)
Just came home from primary six camp 2 days ago, it ended on saturday and i must say its a wonderful and refreshing experience. *beams*
Prelude:
Book in on friday, supposed to report at 6pm then end up me and yongen were the latest =x, came in at 6.30pm. Even esther managed to arrive earlier than us . -guilty- But i am justified, i was waiting for my little brother to get me all the stuff for PAE admission because i forgot to settle it at home and the due date is saturday, 4pm so i had to do it in church. i'm always doing such last minute stuff. Anyway so yep arrived there at 6.30pm. Yongen brought 3 pillows that can be unzipped to become a blanket, it came in handy and it amused me. Anyway when we stepped into the hall, we were greeted with outburst of laughters..i wonder why *ponders* (>_<).Its so embarrassing ! Brother Say Kin is so humourous, and his humour is the very lame type..can't stop laughing at him. The first night: Once the primary sixes arrived, the first thing that they discussed about was "what's your Psle score" and i realised all of them are so intelligent. Most of them are going to special stream hence for the whole night we ended up singing hymns no related to they PSlE score. *tell me about kids* haha the first thing Joshua said when he came in was " admit it Caleb, tell everyone i did better than you for PSLE" something along that line, he is so cute right.Caleb is Joshua's elder brother and he dropped by only to be challenged *muahahah* The bliss of simplicity. The message was very encouraging that night, mainly, love one another, keep the Lord's commandment and do not deny the Lord. We broke into groups after that and did some self introduction before heading for supper and then rest for the night.
Day 2 The day started with morning watch and i was in Paul's group. We did morning watch and frankly i felt pretty lost. I didn't know what to tell to the primary sixes. Paul was very tired. Fortunately, Sister Wen Cheng was there to guide us. I was so engrossed in listening to her . =x Games for the day was treasure hunt. I believed everyone had fun, cheerios to all the organisers. The primary sixes were slowly opening up and i heard that the brothers had pillow fights. Their favourite for the camp. (-_-") haha. Had a good chat with the sisters before we slept. felt really good =)
ps( The kids love Spongebob squarepants *wink*)
Day 3 Whee hee, we went to East Coast park, marine cove ! Did all sorts of things. went cycling and even saw mediacorp filming and they approached us. *speechless* i love the minature schanuzer ( i think it was 3 months old) so super duper cute !!!!!!!! headed back soon after in the van, all crammed up as i listen to the young brothers rattle on about maple story. oh well~ haha then we went back to do the clean up . Boy did i have a good time as the four youth sisters cleaned up the toilet, we were having water fight in there. After we took our bath, yiying went for her guitar practise as yongen, esther and me sat down at the tables while yongen finished up her presentation for youth meeting. Brother bernard came with his thumbdrive to save the day as yongen had to print out the presentation ps( i want a thumbdrive too )
Conclusion: The primary sixes are lovely, other than the fact that the sisters keep taking my photo to take photos and changing my wallpaper but oh well the photo of bro say kin was hilarious * sniggers* I had so much fun during the past 3 days. Praise the Lord for the primary six camp. =)
¶ 5:29 PM
Prelude:
Book in on friday, supposed to report at 6pm then end up me and yongen were the latest =x, came in at 6.30pm. Even esther managed to arrive earlier than us . -guilty- But i am justified, i was waiting for my little brother to get me all the stuff for PAE admission because i forgot to settle it at home and the due date is saturday, 4pm so i had to do it in church. i'm always doing such last minute stuff. Anyway so yep arrived there at 6.30pm. Yongen brought 3 pillows that can be unzipped to become a blanket, it came in handy and it amused me. Anyway when we stepped into the hall, we were greeted with outburst of laughters..i wonder why *ponders* (>_<).Its so embarrassing ! Brother Say Kin is so humourous, and his humour is the very lame type..can't stop laughing at him. The first night: Once the primary sixes arrived, the first thing that they discussed about was "what's your Psle score" and i realised all of them are so intelligent. Most of them are going to special stream hence for the whole night we ended up singing hymns no related to they PSlE score. *tell me about kids* haha the first thing Joshua said when he came in was " admit it Caleb, tell everyone i did better than you for PSLE" something along that line, he is so cute right.Caleb is Joshua's elder brother and he dropped by only to be challenged *muahahah* The bliss of simplicity. The message was very encouraging that night, mainly, love one another, keep the Lord's commandment and do not deny the Lord. We broke into groups after that and did some self introduction before heading for supper and then rest for the night.
Day 2 The day started with morning watch and i was in Paul's group. We did morning watch and frankly i felt pretty lost. I didn't know what to tell to the primary sixes. Paul was very tired. Fortunately, Sister Wen Cheng was there to guide us. I was so engrossed in listening to her . =x Games for the day was treasure hunt. I believed everyone had fun, cheerios to all the organisers. The primary sixes were slowly opening up and i heard that the brothers had pillow fights. Their favourite for the camp. (-_-") haha. Had a good chat with the sisters before we slept. felt really good =)
ps( The kids love Spongebob squarepants *wink*)
Day 3 Whee hee, we went to East Coast park, marine cove ! Did all sorts of things. went cycling and even saw mediacorp filming and they approached us. *speechless* i love the minature schanuzer ( i think it was 3 months old) so super duper cute !!!!!!!! headed back soon after in the van, all crammed up as i listen to the young brothers rattle on about maple story. oh well~ haha then we went back to do the clean up . Boy did i have a good time as the four youth sisters cleaned up the toilet, we were having water fight in there. After we took our bath, yiying went for her guitar practise as yongen, esther and me sat down at the tables while yongen finished up her presentation for youth meeting. Brother bernard came with his thumbdrive to save the day as yongen had to print out the presentation ps( i want a thumbdrive too )
Conclusion: The primary sixes are lovely, other than the fact that the sisters keep taking my photo to take photos and changing my wallpaper but oh well the photo of bro say kin was hilarious * sniggers* I had so much fun during the past 3 days. Praise the Lord for the primary six camp. =)
¶ 5:29 PM
Monday, November 15, 2004
1) Grandma pissed me off today.
2) i cried.
3) i wished you would comfort me.
For the first time today, my dad bought my grandmother to church in Hall 1 . I was apprehensive at first because i know that my grandmother doesn't understand chinese nor english so she wouldn't enjoy the meeting. However i have this burden that i want her to believe in the Lord and be saved especially after her encounter with the inflammation of the lungs. I relented, i kept quiet, i tried my best to do my part as a daughter and a loving grand-daughter.
When she wanted to visit the toilet, i accompied her, giving in to her. My dad, mum and little brother were all in the other hall, leaving me with her at the entension all alone. After breaking the bread and drinking of the cup, my grandmother kept telling me to return the cup even though the tray wasn't even passed around. Do you know how irritating that is especially when i told her that it wasn't the time to return the cup. She kept repeating and repeating like a spoilt radio but i tried to hold back my displeasure. The last few minutes before the meeting, she kept pestering me to leave as she saw some other people leaving. I told her politely that the meeting hasn't ended and it was pointless to leave because my dad was still in the hall. She simply couldn't listen and stood up and left.
I was like in shock ! She didn't even bother to listen to me, she just stood up and left. I hate it. Why must she do this to me. I was left with no choice and followed her out. I couldn't back my tears hence i burst into tears and i couldn't stop. i was mad, very mad at her ! I hate being angry because i cry very easily when i'm angered. My parents were dumbfounded when they saw me but i refused to tell them what happened. I was a little pissed out at them for leaving me all alone with my grandmother because they know very well that she is one irritating and stubborn old lady.
Aunty Jenny sensed something wrong and asked me if i was alright. i told her i was. She's really sweet. She hugged me and told me to trust in the Lord and not to cry. i was so touched but it made me cry more. She even called to ask if i was feeling better. =D
I was fine with my grandma's atrocious behaviour in the past. I learnt how to bare with it but now it has pushed me to the limit. I know i should love her but i need time. i need time to forget. I still love her but i can't deny that my respect i have for her will never be the same after this incident. I'm close to the verge of saying " i hate my grandmother ! "
People told me to give in to her. Afterall she's old, and most all people are like that. My reply to them, " don't say a word until you took care of someone like my grandmother, who doesn't appreciate people around her, who spits at my maid, who does nothing at home except eat, sleep, watch tv, who picks things up from the dustbin, who cursed my maternal grandmother, who pinched my ill grandfather till he bruised, who cannot be served the same food for meals. go ahead, volunteer and take care of her.
till then don't tell me to treat her like the way i used to.
¶ 2:30 PM
2) i cried.
3) i wished you would comfort me.
For the first time today, my dad bought my grandmother to church in Hall 1 . I was apprehensive at first because i know that my grandmother doesn't understand chinese nor english so she wouldn't enjoy the meeting. However i have this burden that i want her to believe in the Lord and be saved especially after her encounter with the inflammation of the lungs. I relented, i kept quiet, i tried my best to do my part as a daughter and a loving grand-daughter.
When she wanted to visit the toilet, i accompied her, giving in to her. My dad, mum and little brother were all in the other hall, leaving me with her at the entension all alone. After breaking the bread and drinking of the cup, my grandmother kept telling me to return the cup even though the tray wasn't even passed around. Do you know how irritating that is especially when i told her that it wasn't the time to return the cup. She kept repeating and repeating like a spoilt radio but i tried to hold back my displeasure. The last few minutes before the meeting, she kept pestering me to leave as she saw some other people leaving. I told her politely that the meeting hasn't ended and it was pointless to leave because my dad was still in the hall. She simply couldn't listen and stood up and left.
I was like in shock ! She didn't even bother to listen to me, she just stood up and left. I hate it. Why must she do this to me. I was left with no choice and followed her out. I couldn't back my tears hence i burst into tears and i couldn't stop. i was mad, very mad at her ! I hate being angry because i cry very easily when i'm angered. My parents were dumbfounded when they saw me but i refused to tell them what happened. I was a little pissed out at them for leaving me all alone with my grandmother because they know very well that she is one irritating and stubborn old lady.
Aunty Jenny sensed something wrong and asked me if i was alright. i told her i was. She's really sweet. She hugged me and told me to trust in the Lord and not to cry. i was so touched but it made me cry more. She even called to ask if i was feeling better. =D
I was fine with my grandma's atrocious behaviour in the past. I learnt how to bare with it but now it has pushed me to the limit. I know i should love her but i need time. i need time to forget. I still love her but i can't deny that my respect i have for her will never be the same after this incident. I'm close to the verge of saying " i hate my grandmother ! "
People told me to give in to her. Afterall she's old, and most all people are like that. My reply to them, " don't say a word until you took care of someone like my grandmother, who doesn't appreciate people around her, who spits at my maid, who does nothing at home except eat, sleep, watch tv, who picks things up from the dustbin, who cursed my maternal grandmother, who pinched my ill grandfather till he bruised, who cannot be served the same food for meals. go ahead, volunteer and take care of her.
till then don't tell me to treat her like the way i used to.
¶ 2:30 PM
Friday, November 12, 2004
Few weeks back, i was reading Reader's Digest (Nov issue). There was a story called " The Unlikely Gift" that left me thinking about human relationships, the relationship between parents and their children, the relationship between husband and wife, the relationship that friends share and bgr relationship. It is ironic how a simple relationship can be mingled with so much complexity.
The story "The Unlikely Gift". Bascially it is about Sanford Cohern who is gradually losing his memory due to Alzheimer, hence he went over to stay with his daughter, Elizabeth Cohern, as his wife couldn't stand him any longer. When he went over to stay at Elizabeth's house, he couldn't even recognise his own daughter. Elizabeth has a daughter Ava who is only one year old. Miraculously even though Ava and her grandfather were in two different worlds, they enjoyed each other's company. They could communicate with each other, in a way Elizabeth couldn't. They would Elizabeth felt left out from their world and sometimes she felt like an intruder world but she didn't mind. She knew gradually Ava would be joining her in the world of coherent thought. But her father was never coming back. When her dad was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer, he cried " I am dying, of this Alzenheimer's! i want a cigarette."His helpless and lonliness however was felt by Ava as she hum with him to the song that goes "Suddenly, I'm not half the man i used to be ". All this while, even thought Sanford loved Ava, he couldn't remember her name. The man loved her so completely, even though he never learned her name. However Elizabeth was wrong, he remembered. He remember Ava . The story ends with this paragraph " It was as though the brain of my father and the brain of my daughter had crossed on their ways to opposite sides of life. They looked upon each other with fond familiarity, each heading to the place the other had come from. And oh his ways out of life, instead of having lost the abilities to speak, to walk and to negotiate the world, i like to think Daddy has given them to Ava. He has passed on the Keys. "
i feel that i am unable to narrate the whole story as the reader digest did ( understatement), i really encourage you to read it up. The point that strike me the most was the part about Sanford gradually forgetting everyone around him, slowly being robbed away of his memories. i was questioning how i would feel if without my knowledge, i lose all my memories. Forget all the good times that i had, forget my loved ones. I shivered at that thought. Memories are very dear to me and i cannot imagine slowly just forgetting them.
In another point of view, how would you feel if your loved one was losing his/ her memory. They wouldn't be able to recognise you and you becomes a stranger. I cried at that thought. All i can say is " Remember me this way".
¶ 1:36 PM
The story "The Unlikely Gift". Bascially it is about Sanford Cohern who is gradually losing his memory due to Alzheimer, hence he went over to stay with his daughter, Elizabeth Cohern, as his wife couldn't stand him any longer. When he went over to stay at Elizabeth's house, he couldn't even recognise his own daughter. Elizabeth has a daughter Ava who is only one year old. Miraculously even though Ava and her grandfather were in two different worlds, they enjoyed each other's company. They could communicate with each other, in a way Elizabeth couldn't. They would Elizabeth felt left out from their world and sometimes she felt like an intruder world but she didn't mind. She knew gradually Ava would be joining her in the world of coherent thought. But her father was never coming back. When her dad was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer, he cried " I am dying, of this Alzenheimer's! i want a cigarette."His helpless and lonliness however was felt by Ava as she hum with him to the song that goes "Suddenly, I'm not half the man i used to be ". All this while, even thought Sanford loved Ava, he couldn't remember her name. The man loved her so completely, even though he never learned her name. However Elizabeth was wrong, he remembered. He remember Ava . The story ends with this paragraph " It was as though the brain of my father and the brain of my daughter had crossed on their ways to opposite sides of life. They looked upon each other with fond familiarity, each heading to the place the other had come from. And oh his ways out of life, instead of having lost the abilities to speak, to walk and to negotiate the world, i like to think Daddy has given them to Ava. He has passed on the Keys. "
i feel that i am unable to narrate the whole story as the reader digest did ( understatement), i really encourage you to read it up. The point that strike me the most was the part about Sanford gradually forgetting everyone around him, slowly being robbed away of his memories. i was questioning how i would feel if without my knowledge, i lose all my memories. Forget all the good times that i had, forget my loved ones. I shivered at that thought. Memories are very dear to me and i cannot imagine slowly just forgetting them.
In another point of view, how would you feel if your loved one was losing his/ her memory. They wouldn't be able to recognise you and you becomes a stranger. I cried at that thought. All i can say is " Remember me this way".
¶ 1:36 PM
I sprained my back =(..hurts real bad. I suspect its because of the position i slept in last night. *ouch* -suffering-
¶ 8:58 AM
¶ 8:58 AM
Monday, November 08, 2004
Maths paper has finally ended ! *jumps around* Just another 3 more papers to go and the O's will officially over for me. I can't wait !! However i realised that the O's are not as scary as it seems. The papers are more or less managable. Cheryl commented " you never know what goes on at the other side of the earth" ( refering to Cambridge). Its quite true if you sit down and ponder about it, we will never know how the Cambridge markers will mark our scripts and how they view as an A1 script, so its pretty nervewreacking !! I just pray that everything will go smoothly ! Hopefully when the cambridge markers are marking my script, they are in an excellent mood =) *sniggers*
Anyway its Zhuang's birthday today ! Happy birthday boy ! This is specially dedicated to you. Hope you had a great day though we didn't celebrate your birthday. We'll make it up to you boy =)..Anticipate !
I realise that my life is rather mundane now. I don't have much to blog about either =x that's sorrowful ! Hope something interesting comes my way..
¶ 8:00 PM
Anyway its Zhuang's birthday today ! Happy birthday boy ! This is specially dedicated to you. Hope you had a great day though we didn't celebrate your birthday. We'll make it up to you boy =)..Anticipate !
I realise that my life is rather mundane now. I don't have much to blog about either =x that's sorrowful ! Hope something interesting comes my way..
¶ 8:00 PM
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
After social studies =)
Okay i'm into my second day of my O's, going into my third day ! Just like that, i have already completed 2 papers, higher chinese and social stuides. How cool is that ! All being settled and resposed, the papers so far are not too bad. Hcl was both disappointing and encouraging. Encouraging because it was pretty simple ( its simpler than our school's standard), disappointing because now i hope to get a distinction for Hcl but i'm afraid that i will miss the mark and settle for a B3, B4 or even C5. Maybe i shouldn't dwell on it and just concentrate on my other subjects but you know the feeling when you know you could have gotten a distiction but fall short of it because of some stupid, irritating, careless mistakes. Oh well i will have to live with it for now. *sticks tongue out* Next i had social studies today. Switzerland, Japan and deterence and diplomacy came out. It was through social studies that i got to experience the Lord. Firstly praise the Lord that Japan came out because i studied for only 3 chapters, japan being one of the 3. I was so relieved and thankful. Its a norm for me to study the wrong chapter for social studies hence spotting the right topic this time round was a morale booster ! I was feeling rather anxious and disorientated before the paper, so before i came to school, i said a prayer and read the bible and i came across this verse " Give thanks to God who leads us, in triumph, in christ and through us diffuse the fragrance of His knowledge in every place " This verse is from 2 cor. I was greatly encouraged by this verse ! i was thinking that i am a vessel of God and through me and all the lovely brothers and sisters in Christ, He will diffuse the fragrance and beauty of His knowledge. Its just so lovely to know that so i mermorized it before embarking on the ardious journey of social studies exam =p . A few minutes before the paper, i was feeling unnerved so i repeated the verse in my head over and over again which helped to calm me down. Praise the Lord. I really experienced Him in such a beauty way today. =) Emmanuel !
¶ 3:32 PM
¶ 3:32 PM
