The stars are far away
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Random thoughts
In a state of confusion now. Confused about many things but i can't seem to identify what they are.
Jumbled and messed up !
Guess I'm too busy to care for now.
Wells i guess these issues aren't really very important.
I shall chant " I love homework, i love homework !", they are still piling up. I haven't even touch the tip of the iceberg ( Think Titanic).
At least school is fun with friends that brighten your day.
Listens to you when you need to just complain.
Pokes you just for fun.
Laughs at your foolishness.
Shows concern when you say you are sad.
Tells you that you are cute
And calls you "darling"
=D Hey now it all seems like i'm back in sec sch ya.
Life aren't that bad ya. I just need to sort things out.
Praise the Lord for all that He has provided me with *beams* ¶ 8:17 PM
Jumbled and messed up !
Guess I'm too busy to care for now.
Wells i guess these issues aren't really very important.
I shall chant " I love homework, i love homework !", they are still piling up. I haven't even touch the tip of the iceberg ( Think Titanic).
At least school is fun with friends that brighten your day.
Listens to you when you need to just complain.
Pokes you just for fun.
Laughs at your foolishness.
Shows concern when you say you are sad.
Tells you that you are cute
And calls you "darling"
=D Hey now it all seems like i'm back in sec sch ya.
Life aren't that bad ya. I just need to sort things out.
Praise the Lord for all that He has provided me with *beams* ¶ 8:17 PM
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Dance Fest !!!
Dance was a blast ! Saw many really good dances and talented dancers. The best thing is i got to see Dian and Nicole !!!!!!!!! *big hugs* and Hai, Chun, Nic, Dian and me got to spend time together minus Ling =( but wells i had fun ~ Love you guys *muacks my darlings !
¶ 7:51 PM
¶ 7:51 PM
Monday, April 18, 2005
=(
I haven't been updating ya, i don't know why too. I have so much to say yet i don't know how to express them into words. Have you ever had this feeling ? You know you have so much to say, so much to shout out to the world but all that you could do was to hide it inside you. Its called repression. I guess i have been repressing some things and some feelings that i had. I was reluctant to face it. Up to now, i am still unable to face it.
The thoughts are running through my head yet my mind feels blank. Could it be fatigue ? Could it be that i am so exhausted that i am unwilling to think. I don't have the answer. All i know is i am not happy. I am not happy !! Arhz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many things are bothering me !!! Every aspect of life is vexing and i do mean every single aspect. I feel drained up. I looked at the mirror and saw a haggard old lady. That's what i see in the mirror now. Tired, weary, exhausted and haggard. Time has taken its toil on me.
I need to make a choice. Soon..soon..soon.
Is it wrong to want someone and then realise you don't the next. Its is wrong to finally realise that i can't love. Is it wrong to want attention ? Is it wrong to desire your friendship? Is it wrong to want to care for you ? Is it wrong to want to share your woes. Apparently to you, its wrong !
When to let go and when to hold on. When to take the initiative and when to just fade into the background. When to giving you my blessings and when to tell you how i really feel. When to show you that i am happy and when to show you that i'm not. When to smile and when to cry. When to perserve and when to break down. When to feel envious and when to feel jealous.
Never, cause i can't feel anything anymore. ¶ 8:11 PM
The thoughts are running through my head yet my mind feels blank. Could it be fatigue ? Could it be that i am so exhausted that i am unwilling to think. I don't have the answer. All i know is i am not happy. I am not happy !! Arhz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many things are bothering me !!! Every aspect of life is vexing and i do mean every single aspect. I feel drained up. I looked at the mirror and saw a haggard old lady. That's what i see in the mirror now. Tired, weary, exhausted and haggard. Time has taken its toil on me.
I need to make a choice. Soon..soon..soon.
Is it wrong to want someone and then realise you don't the next. Its is wrong to finally realise that i can't love. Is it wrong to want attention ? Is it wrong to desire your friendship? Is it wrong to want to care for you ? Is it wrong to want to share your woes. Apparently to you, its wrong !
When to let go and when to hold on. When to take the initiative and when to just fade into the background. When to giving you my blessings and when to tell you how i really feel. When to show you that i am happy and when to show you that i'm not. When to smile and when to cry. When to perserve and when to break down. When to feel envious and when to feel jealous.
Never, cause i can't feel anything anymore. ¶ 8:11 PM
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Life ! *Faints*
Timetable is packed and i am constantly rushing around, trying to keep up with my work. I stayed up until 1am the day before just to finish reading Vol One of "The monk" and doing my ao maths tutorial. What a way to burn up my sunday right hahas. I ended up having a split headache yesterday and i didn't want to take panadol, so i was whining and whining and whining about the headache that won't go away. grrRrrrRRrr ! Hahas and yes i slept really early yesterday. =x
What's the point doing your homework one night and sleeping early the other night? Doesn't make sense right but that's my life hahas.
However i got to say, i love all the subjects that i am doing now. *Beams* Arts Faculty Rocks !
I still have lots of work to do though. They seem to be never ending. Piling, piling, piling..
Oh yeah, i decided to join Dance =x Shhhhhhh don't tell anyone kays. I haven't told anyone from badminton but yeah i'm just going to sit and wait for this cca confirmation week to pass and then zoom i'll see the final result. There's going to be a lot of people that i am going to miss if i join dance but i think its better if i join dance ya.
I wished i was a superwoman and i could finish off all my homework in one shot. Sense of sastisfaction. Hahas.
Xinyi taught me how to draw a duckling today hahas. Its so cute okays. I'll show you guys next time hahas. Xinyi is really good at arts. =)
I think my life is quite sad now but i'm telling myself to always smile. Lots of disappointment, lots of struggle. I can't wait to see Mal and Cheryl this thursday. *big hugs* Van !! How are you girl? I miss you so much. Kz, when are you free to meet up man ? Hahas..Pentagon will always rock yeah
Oh that reminds me, Twe got Gold with honours in the syf ! Rocks man ! Love you guys !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well done man ! all the hard work paid off ya. All the sectionals, and scoldings and tears have finally paid off.
There's a new guy in class today. Shall not comment much just in case i go mad =x.
Lastly, I love Siva's hockey stick hahas. =x
I don't know what is love, how to love and who i love. ¶ 7:23 PM
What's the point doing your homework one night and sleeping early the other night? Doesn't make sense right but that's my life hahas.
However i got to say, i love all the subjects that i am doing now. *Beams* Arts Faculty Rocks !
I still have lots of work to do though. They seem to be never ending. Piling, piling, piling..
Oh yeah, i decided to join Dance =x Shhhhhhh don't tell anyone kays. I haven't told anyone from badminton but yeah i'm just going to sit and wait for this cca confirmation week to pass and then zoom i'll see the final result. There's going to be a lot of people that i am going to miss if i join dance but i think its better if i join dance ya.
I wished i was a superwoman and i could finish off all my homework in one shot. Sense of sastisfaction. Hahas.
Xinyi taught me how to draw a duckling today hahas. Its so cute okays. I'll show you guys next time hahas. Xinyi is really good at arts. =)
I think my life is quite sad now but i'm telling myself to always smile. Lots of disappointment, lots of struggle. I can't wait to see Mal and Cheryl this thursday. *big hugs* Van !! How are you girl? I miss you so much. Kz, when are you free to meet up man ? Hahas..Pentagon will always rock yeah
Oh that reminds me, Twe got Gold with honours in the syf ! Rocks man ! Love you guys !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well done man ! all the hard work paid off ya. All the sectionals, and scoldings and tears have finally paid off.
There's a new guy in class today. Shall not comment much just in case i go mad =x.
Lastly, I love Siva's hockey stick hahas. =x
I don't know what is love, how to love and who i love. ¶ 7:23 PM
Sunday, April 10, 2005
My age *wink*
Hahas i am my age whee~
¶ 3:46 PM
| You Are 19 Years Old |
Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
¶ 3:46 PM
Woof woof
¶ 3:38 PM
| You Are a Husky Puppy |
 |
¶ 3:38 PM
I wish there was someone who cared for me every single time i cired. Someone whom i know who always be there for me no matter what. Someone who will never be sick of me complaining. Someone who treasures me.
Morning aren't special anymore. Neither are the stars. You do remember the stars but they don't mean a thing to you. ¶ 12:03 AM
Morning aren't special anymore. Neither are the stars. You do remember the stars but they don't mean a thing to you. ¶ 12:03 AM
Saturday, April 09, 2005
The fourth time
This is the fourth time i am crying because of you. Its becoming a norm for me to do that.
I'm not going to say anything or blame anyone. Its just me. ¶ 11:43 PM
I'm not going to say anything or blame anyone. Its just me. ¶ 11:43 PM
Friday, April 08, 2005
Without Solace
During badminton today, Ms Tay called the 4 appeal cases, Michelle ( who is in the competition team), Beverly, Allison and me to meet her. I went over and guess what ? Apparently Mr Vincent Lee is not very happy that we appealed in and he told her that interact club which was the cca Beverly's and Michelle's were assigned to and library which Allison was assigned to had a large number of appeal cases hence they needed people to join the ccas. However due to the fact that interact club and library only require thier members to meet up once a week, Beverly and Allison are allowed to hold 2 ccas. Michelle on the other hand is guaranteed a place in badminton as she is in the competition team. As for me, hahas performing arts is a niche area in tpjc and since i was assigned to modern dance. There's a high possibility i will have to stay in dance. I don't know. Yes i am upset but i'm not blaming anyone. Edwin has tried his very very best to keep us in badminton and i am very thankful that i have such a great senior.
I would love to stay in badminton. I like badminton a lot. Its the only sport that i'm slightly better at and i have been playing badminton since i was young. I love badminton. Sigh but there's no motivation left to stay in badminton. I resign to my fate. Dance it shall be. I feel like telling Edwin to just let me go but i know he will be very upset. His nick in msn now is " Death Angel ( My best bdae gift: The whole team is back ! ), yet now i will have to take away his best birthday present. I don't know. Sigh. I would really like to stay but its just that i don't want to force things and there's another factor that i haven't talked about in a long time. Him ! I know he is enlisting soon but still i feel like leaving badminton because of him. He told me that he would talk to the cca teacher to help me get back to badminton. However when Ms Tay was talking to us today. This were his words " Don't look at me, not my problem !" My heart was shattered ! Speechless, hurt. Don't want to care anymore. Don't want to think about you anymore. Would it be different if she was the one who isn't in the team? Its just too bad that i'm the one who isn't ya.
I want you to know this, the only reason why i might even consider accepting dance is you. Its because i don't want to see you anymore, don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Since we met through badminton, it shall end this way too. All i wanted was your friendship, a little of your time and care but you gave it all to her. If you wanted me to, i would have tried to convince myself to fight to stay in badminton. Now all i know is that maybe dance is better for me. Maybe only then will i be a little happier. Why can't you just put in a little effort to just show me you are actually bothered that i might not be able to stay on. Even if you are putting up an act at least it would have been a comfort to me. You can't even do that for me.
To leave without a trace, that's the best. No tears, no hugs, no " I wish you would stay ! " and "I'll miss you". ¶ 9:16 PM
I would love to stay in badminton. I like badminton a lot. Its the only sport that i'm slightly better at and i have been playing badminton since i was young. I love badminton. Sigh but there's no motivation left to stay in badminton. I resign to my fate. Dance it shall be. I feel like telling Edwin to just let me go but i know he will be very upset. His nick in msn now is " Death Angel ( My best bdae gift: The whole team is back ! ), yet now i will have to take away his best birthday present. I don't know. Sigh. I would really like to stay but its just that i don't want to force things and there's another factor that i haven't talked about in a long time. Him ! I know he is enlisting soon but still i feel like leaving badminton because of him. He told me that he would talk to the cca teacher to help me get back to badminton. However when Ms Tay was talking to us today. This were his words " Don't look at me, not my problem !" My heart was shattered ! Speechless, hurt. Don't want to care anymore. Don't want to think about you anymore. Would it be different if she was the one who isn't in the team? Its just too bad that i'm the one who isn't ya.
I want you to know this, the only reason why i might even consider accepting dance is you. Its because i don't want to see you anymore, don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Since we met through badminton, it shall end this way too. All i wanted was your friendship, a little of your time and care but you gave it all to her. If you wanted me to, i would have tried to convince myself to fight to stay in badminton. Now all i know is that maybe dance is better for me. Maybe only then will i be a little happier. Why can't you just put in a little effort to just show me you are actually bothered that i might not be able to stay on. Even if you are putting up an act at least it would have been a comfort to me. You can't even do that for me.
To leave without a trace, that's the best. No tears, no hugs, no " I wish you would stay ! " and "I'll miss you". ¶ 9:16 PM
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Twist of events
Muahaha I haven't been updating for the past few days because i have been really caught up with some stuff in school. I can't even take a breather. Oh well, things are looking good for me *beams*. You guys have no idea how happy i am now. =)Muahahas but yep there's always a balance in life. There are still some things which bring me down but not for long !! *wink*
Let's see, firstly most of my teachers are the same *hip hip hurray*, love them ! However, Ms Melissa Tay is now my Econs teacher and Mrs Toh, my Gp teacher. They are the only changes. Ms Tay is so funky okay ! She's my badminton cca in charge too. She has this very creative way of doing stuff and i like it ( for now) hahas. She's very open minded and gave us her email and hp without any hesitation unlike some teachers who refuse to barge. She even told us that she has a friendster account. Like how many teachers would actually dare to tell you that she has a friendster account ?? She rocks in a bitchy sense. Love her ~ hahas. She told us that she's taking salsa too and disclosed information about her boyfriend. Muahaha she calls him monkey because he's skinny ! ~ (-_-"). I wonder if he is sunken =x Hahas but oh well, i think she's really hip. Hee heee...as for Mrs Toh, she has this really really really exaggerated accent. I don't know if it is natural but hahas i guess i don't have much to say about that. Shall not comment too much as long as i understand her but i think she is a very efficient and engaging teacher. Even though i think my former Gp tutor, Mrs Winnie Wee is really fun loving and easy going, i feel that Mrs Toh is more firm and that will benefit the students.
However the best thing about the new intake so far is that Chun is back in tpjc. I shall not say much about it except Chun i'm really really glad that you are back. Life is not longer at a standstill because of you. Thanks for coming back, i missed you so much !
To Nicole and Xinling: Take care in Tjc ya. I still miss you guys a lot but muahaha i am glad chun is back=p. Let's meet up really soon kays.
On the other hand, something unexpected happened. I wasn't posted to badminton during my second intake. It was a very big shock and i was very demoralized by it. Guess what people, i got into modern dance. * Okay go ahead and laugh ha ha ha* But ya i was so upset and badly shaken. At first i thought it was because i wasn't good enough for the team and at that moment i thought i would just resign to fate. The people in Badminton are really lovely, that's all i can say. =) Thanks for all the encouragement. Eventually i made it through the appeal, thanks to Ms Tay ! I couldn't have got in without her. Thanks Ms Tay, owe you one =). And to Mr Noordin and Mr Lee *sticks tongue out* BoooOOoooo to the both of you ! hmpf !
It was also Edwin's birthday yesterday hahas i shall post some pictures when Jun Long develops them ya. Super cute ~ We had so much fun ! Edwin, are you touched ? Edwin is the vice captain of the team and our trainer together with LKK ( Yi Qiang ) hahas. We bought him chocolate Fudge cake, a pair of badminton shoes and a card , not forgetting all the water bombs hee hee. Fun fun fun ! Badminton rocks !
If only this moment could last forvever and ever and ever..
Pretence is my only protection from getting hurt. Depart in peace and hurt me not, for you do not see the tears i shed. ¶ 4:36 PM
Let's see, firstly most of my teachers are the same *hip hip hurray*, love them ! However, Ms Melissa Tay is now my Econs teacher and Mrs Toh, my Gp teacher. They are the only changes. Ms Tay is so funky okay ! She's my badminton cca in charge too. She has this very creative way of doing stuff and i like it ( for now) hahas. She's very open minded and gave us her email and hp without any hesitation unlike some teachers who refuse to barge. She even told us that she has a friendster account. Like how many teachers would actually dare to tell you that she has a friendster account ?? She rocks in a bitchy sense. Love her ~ hahas. She told us that she's taking salsa too and disclosed information about her boyfriend. Muahaha she calls him monkey because he's skinny ! ~ (-_-"). I wonder if he is sunken =x Hahas but oh well, i think she's really hip. Hee heee...as for Mrs Toh, she has this really really really exaggerated accent. I don't know if it is natural but hahas i guess i don't have much to say about that. Shall not comment too much as long as i understand her but i think she is a very efficient and engaging teacher. Even though i think my former Gp tutor, Mrs Winnie Wee is really fun loving and easy going, i feel that Mrs Toh is more firm and that will benefit the students.
However the best thing about the new intake so far is that Chun is back in tpjc. I shall not say much about it except Chun i'm really really glad that you are back. Life is not longer at a standstill because of you. Thanks for coming back, i missed you so much !
To Nicole and Xinling: Take care in Tjc ya. I still miss you guys a lot but muahaha i am glad chun is back=p. Let's meet up really soon kays.
On the other hand, something unexpected happened. I wasn't posted to badminton during my second intake. It was a very big shock and i was very demoralized by it. Guess what people, i got into modern dance. * Okay go ahead and laugh ha ha ha* But ya i was so upset and badly shaken. At first i thought it was because i wasn't good enough for the team and at that moment i thought i would just resign to fate. The people in Badminton are really lovely, that's all i can say. =) Thanks for all the encouragement. Eventually i made it through the appeal, thanks to Ms Tay ! I couldn't have got in without her. Thanks Ms Tay, owe you one =). And to Mr Noordin and Mr Lee *sticks tongue out* BoooOOoooo to the both of you ! hmpf !
It was also Edwin's birthday yesterday hahas i shall post some pictures when Jun Long develops them ya. Super cute ~ We had so much fun ! Edwin, are you touched ? Edwin is the vice captain of the team and our trainer together with LKK ( Yi Qiang ) hahas. We bought him chocolate Fudge cake, a pair of badminton shoes and a card , not forgetting all the water bombs hee hee. Fun fun fun ! Badminton rocks !
If only this moment could last forvever and ever and ever..
Pretence is my only protection from getting hurt. Depart in peace and hurt me not, for you do not see the tears i shed. ¶ 4:36 PM
