Friday, April 08, 2005
Without Solace
During badminton today, Ms Tay called the 4 appeal cases, Michelle ( who is in the competition team), Beverly, Allison and me to meet her. I went over and guess what ? Apparently Mr Vincent Lee is not very happy that we appealed in and he told her that interact club which was the cca Beverly's and Michelle's were assigned to and library which Allison was assigned to had a large number of appeal cases hence they needed people to join the ccas. However due to the fact that interact club and library only require thier members to meet up once a week, Beverly and Allison are allowed to hold 2 ccas. Michelle on the other hand is guaranteed a place in badminton as she is in the competition team. As for me, hahas performing arts is a niche area in tpjc and since i was assigned to modern dance. There's a high possibility i will have to stay in dance. I don't know. Yes i am upset but i'm not blaming anyone. Edwin has tried his very very best to keep us in badminton and i am very thankful that i have such a great senior.
I would love to stay in badminton. I like badminton a lot. Its the only sport that i'm slightly better at and i have been playing badminton since i was young. I love badminton. Sigh but there's no motivation left to stay in badminton. I resign to my fate. Dance it shall be. I feel like telling Edwin to just let me go but i know he will be very upset. His nick in msn now is " Death Angel ( My best bdae gift: The whole team is back ! ), yet now i will have to take away his best birthday present. I don't know. Sigh. I would really like to stay but its just that i don't want to force things and there's another factor that i haven't talked about in a long time. Him ! I know he is enlisting soon but still i feel like leaving badminton because of him. He told me that he would talk to the cca teacher to help me get back to badminton. However when Ms Tay was talking to us today. This were his words " Don't look at me, not my problem !" My heart was shattered ! Speechless, hurt. Don't want to care anymore. Don't want to think about you anymore. Would it be different if she was the one who isn't in the team? Its just too bad that i'm the one who isn't ya.
I want you to know this, the only reason why i might even consider accepting dance is you. Its because i don't want to see you anymore, don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Since we met through badminton, it shall end this way too. All i wanted was your friendship, a little of your time and care but you gave it all to her. If you wanted me to, i would have tried to convince myself to fight to stay in badminton. Now all i know is that maybe dance is better for me. Maybe only then will i be a little happier. Why can't you just put in a little effort to just show me you are actually bothered that i might not be able to stay on. Even if you are putting up an act at least it would have been a comfort to me. You can't even do that for me.
To leave without a trace, that's the best. No tears, no hugs, no " I wish you would stay ! " and "I'll miss you". ¶ 9:16 PM
I would love to stay in badminton. I like badminton a lot. Its the only sport that i'm slightly better at and i have been playing badminton since i was young. I love badminton. Sigh but there's no motivation left to stay in badminton. I resign to my fate. Dance it shall be. I feel like telling Edwin to just let me go but i know he will be very upset. His nick in msn now is " Death Angel ( My best bdae gift: The whole team is back ! ), yet now i will have to take away his best birthday present. I don't know. Sigh. I would really like to stay but its just that i don't want to force things and there's another factor that i haven't talked about in a long time. Him ! I know he is enlisting soon but still i feel like leaving badminton because of him. He told me that he would talk to the cca teacher to help me get back to badminton. However when Ms Tay was talking to us today. This were his words " Don't look at me, not my problem !" My heart was shattered ! Speechless, hurt. Don't want to care anymore. Don't want to think about you anymore. Would it be different if she was the one who isn't in the team? Its just too bad that i'm the one who isn't ya.
I want you to know this, the only reason why i might even consider accepting dance is you. Its because i don't want to see you anymore, don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Since we met through badminton, it shall end this way too. All i wanted was your friendship, a little of your time and care but you gave it all to her. If you wanted me to, i would have tried to convince myself to fight to stay in badminton. Now all i know is that maybe dance is better for me. Maybe only then will i be a little happier. Why can't you just put in a little effort to just show me you are actually bothered that i might not be able to stay on. Even if you are putting up an act at least it would have been a comfort to me. You can't even do that for me.
To leave without a trace, that's the best. No tears, no hugs, no " I wish you would stay ! " and "I'll miss you". ¶ 9:16 PM
