Monday, April 18, 2005
=(
I haven't been updating ya, i don't know why too. I have so much to say yet i don't know how to express them into words. Have you ever had this feeling ? You know you have so much to say, so much to shout out to the world but all that you could do was to hide it inside you. Its called repression. I guess i have been repressing some things and some feelings that i had. I was reluctant to face it. Up to now, i am still unable to face it.
The thoughts are running through my head yet my mind feels blank. Could it be fatigue ? Could it be that i am so exhausted that i am unwilling to think. I don't have the answer. All i know is i am not happy. I am not happy !! Arhz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many things are bothering me !!! Every aspect of life is vexing and i do mean every single aspect. I feel drained up. I looked at the mirror and saw a haggard old lady. That's what i see in the mirror now. Tired, weary, exhausted and haggard. Time has taken its toil on me.
I need to make a choice. Soon..soon..soon.
Is it wrong to want someone and then realise you don't the next. Its is wrong to finally realise that i can't love. Is it wrong to want attention ? Is it wrong to desire your friendship? Is it wrong to want to care for you ? Is it wrong to want to share your woes. Apparently to you, its wrong !
When to let go and when to hold on. When to take the initiative and when to just fade into the background. When to giving you my blessings and when to tell you how i really feel. When to show you that i am happy and when to show you that i'm not. When to smile and when to cry. When to perserve and when to break down. When to feel envious and when to feel jealous.
Never, cause i can't feel anything anymore. ¶ 8:11 PM
The thoughts are running through my head yet my mind feels blank. Could it be fatigue ? Could it be that i am so exhausted that i am unwilling to think. I don't have the answer. All i know is i am not happy. I am not happy !! Arhz !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So many things are bothering me !!! Every aspect of life is vexing and i do mean every single aspect. I feel drained up. I looked at the mirror and saw a haggard old lady. That's what i see in the mirror now. Tired, weary, exhausted and haggard. Time has taken its toil on me.
I need to make a choice. Soon..soon..soon.
Is it wrong to want someone and then realise you don't the next. Its is wrong to finally realise that i can't love. Is it wrong to want attention ? Is it wrong to desire your friendship? Is it wrong to want to care for you ? Is it wrong to want to share your woes. Apparently to you, its wrong !
When to let go and when to hold on. When to take the initiative and when to just fade into the background. When to giving you my blessings and when to tell you how i really feel. When to show you that i am happy and when to show you that i'm not. When to smile and when to cry. When to perserve and when to break down. When to feel envious and when to feel jealous.
Never, cause i can't feel anything anymore. ¶ 8:11 PM
