Monday, November 15, 2004
1) Grandma pissed me off today.
2) i cried.
3) i wished you would comfort me.
For the first time today, my dad bought my grandmother to church in Hall 1 . I was apprehensive at first because i know that my grandmother doesn't understand chinese nor english so she wouldn't enjoy the meeting. However i have this burden that i want her to believe in the Lord and be saved especially after her encounter with the inflammation of the lungs. I relented, i kept quiet, i tried my best to do my part as a daughter and a loving grand-daughter.
When she wanted to visit the toilet, i accompied her, giving in to her. My dad, mum and little brother were all in the other hall, leaving me with her at the entension all alone. After breaking the bread and drinking of the cup, my grandmother kept telling me to return the cup even though the tray wasn't even passed around. Do you know how irritating that is especially when i told her that it wasn't the time to return the cup. She kept repeating and repeating like a spoilt radio but i tried to hold back my displeasure. The last few minutes before the meeting, she kept pestering me to leave as she saw some other people leaving. I told her politely that the meeting hasn't ended and it was pointless to leave because my dad was still in the hall. She simply couldn't listen and stood up and left.
I was like in shock ! She didn't even bother to listen to me, she just stood up and left. I hate it. Why must she do this to me. I was left with no choice and followed her out. I couldn't back my tears hence i burst into tears and i couldn't stop. i was mad, very mad at her ! I hate being angry because i cry very easily when i'm angered. My parents were dumbfounded when they saw me but i refused to tell them what happened. I was a little pissed out at them for leaving me all alone with my grandmother because they know very well that she is one irritating and stubborn old lady.
Aunty Jenny sensed something wrong and asked me if i was alright. i told her i was. She's really sweet. She hugged me and told me to trust in the Lord and not to cry. i was so touched but it made me cry more. She even called to ask if i was feeling better. =D
I was fine with my grandma's atrocious behaviour in the past. I learnt how to bare with it but now it has pushed me to the limit. I know i should love her but i need time. i need time to forget. I still love her but i can't deny that my respect i have for her will never be the same after this incident. I'm close to the verge of saying " i hate my grandmother ! "
People told me to give in to her. Afterall she's old, and most all people are like that. My reply to them, " don't say a word until you took care of someone like my grandmother, who doesn't appreciate people around her, who spits at my maid, who does nothing at home except eat, sleep, watch tv, who picks things up from the dustbin, who cursed my maternal grandmother, who pinched my ill grandfather till he bruised, who cannot be served the same food for meals. go ahead, volunteer and take care of her.
till then don't tell me to treat her like the way i used to.
¶ 2:30 PM
2) i cried.
3) i wished you would comfort me.
For the first time today, my dad bought my grandmother to church in Hall 1 . I was apprehensive at first because i know that my grandmother doesn't understand chinese nor english so she wouldn't enjoy the meeting. However i have this burden that i want her to believe in the Lord and be saved especially after her encounter with the inflammation of the lungs. I relented, i kept quiet, i tried my best to do my part as a daughter and a loving grand-daughter.
When she wanted to visit the toilet, i accompied her, giving in to her. My dad, mum and little brother were all in the other hall, leaving me with her at the entension all alone. After breaking the bread and drinking of the cup, my grandmother kept telling me to return the cup even though the tray wasn't even passed around. Do you know how irritating that is especially when i told her that it wasn't the time to return the cup. She kept repeating and repeating like a spoilt radio but i tried to hold back my displeasure. The last few minutes before the meeting, she kept pestering me to leave as she saw some other people leaving. I told her politely that the meeting hasn't ended and it was pointless to leave because my dad was still in the hall. She simply couldn't listen and stood up and left.
I was like in shock ! She didn't even bother to listen to me, she just stood up and left. I hate it. Why must she do this to me. I was left with no choice and followed her out. I couldn't back my tears hence i burst into tears and i couldn't stop. i was mad, very mad at her ! I hate being angry because i cry very easily when i'm angered. My parents were dumbfounded when they saw me but i refused to tell them what happened. I was a little pissed out at them for leaving me all alone with my grandmother because they know very well that she is one irritating and stubborn old lady.
Aunty Jenny sensed something wrong and asked me if i was alright. i told her i was. She's really sweet. She hugged me and told me to trust in the Lord and not to cry. i was so touched but it made me cry more. She even called to ask if i was feeling better. =D
I was fine with my grandma's atrocious behaviour in the past. I learnt how to bare with it but now it has pushed me to the limit. I know i should love her but i need time. i need time to forget. I still love her but i can't deny that my respect i have for her will never be the same after this incident. I'm close to the verge of saying " i hate my grandmother ! "
People told me to give in to her. Afterall she's old, and most all people are like that. My reply to them, " don't say a word until you took care of someone like my grandmother, who doesn't appreciate people around her, who spits at my maid, who does nothing at home except eat, sleep, watch tv, who picks things up from the dustbin, who cursed my maternal grandmother, who pinched my ill grandfather till he bruised, who cannot be served the same food for meals. go ahead, volunteer and take care of her.
till then don't tell me to treat her like the way i used to.
¶ 2:30 PM
