Thursday, August 18, 2005
Pms ?
Been on a highly irritable mood recently.I'm so sorry if i offended anyone ya =xXx I don't know what's wrong but my tolerance has gone down to nearly ZERO !!!!!!!! This is bad and extremely frustrating. Everything seems wrong, everything else that other people do are horrible and wrong. This feeling is so overwhelming that sometimes i feel like giving them a tight slap ! I mean it. It is so serious and so irritated that i feel like being alone sometimes. I can't deny that every single time i feel like that, i 'll feel the guilt in me condemning all my awful thoughts.
I hope no one can read my mind, they will be in for a shock.
What should i do ? I want to be alone but yet i don't want to be alone ! I'm being so paranoid. My mood swings are too sudden but does anyone know that i'm experiencing them? I believe they think i'm joking whenever i snap at them. Maybe its better that they think i'm simply fooling around like i normally would. Geesh..
I feel so guilty =( I don't like to snap at anyone or curse them secretly in my head. Its so hypocrital but it just happens before i can even object. The thoughts are just in my head. "She sucks !", " How dumb can she get asking such questions", "whatever, i can't be bothered to argue with you~". These are such some thoughts that go through my mind recently. I know its really mean. That's why i keep such thoughts all to myself. I know my limits, or do i ?
Anyway i realise we don't talk anymore. You were suppose to be special but i guess the word "special" is now devoid of meaning yea. You used to sms me everyday and we'll talk about almost anything but now..its no longer the same. I don't know when we stopped messaging each other. It just happened, right? If only you were truly special, the special you, you promised me. I guess you broke your promise. If that's the case, next time don't even let it start. Don't give me hope only to dash it.You don't like disappointment, its the same for me. I'm human, i have feelings too.
You changed..beyond my recognition.
And i have to see you leave.
On a lighter note..
Badminton Training was super duper fun yesterday ~ Coach actually brought food for us :)). Bet he's guilty after the monsterous training on monday. Most of us were aching all over from monday's training. We had physical training on monday and yea lots of footwork and running. That's why the badminton girls were all half dead yesterday. Muahahahas =x but it was fun and i believe that it will help us to improve. Hahas oh yea and we did half squats too. At first it was for 3 minutes, then 5, then 8 and finally 10 ! (-_-") my legs were trembling and shaking like i was going to experience spasm the next moment. Wobble wobble wobble away like a jelly~. Bev was very sweet to me during the squats :)). Thanks for your encouraging words Bev. -Hugs-
Oh and they gave me my belated birthday present yesterday. It was so sweet ~ It was a notebook with messages from each and every single one for them *smiles*. They bought the notebook from happy house and its bright yellow and pink with a cartoon pig on the cover. Hee thanks guys~ I read through the messages and i'm really touched. You sugery bunch of little things =pPPp..We have another year together and i hope we will get to know one another better yea. Let's keep the whole team together. Love the crazy times together.
Oh yea and people, there are some things that i didn't tell you guys=x
1) I pierced my ear again. This time on top where the cartilage( soft bone) is =xXx
2) I cut my hair. I have short hair now. =xXx
Double oOps yea. will post a picture of my new hairstyle really soon~ Don't get a heart attack when you guys see it yea.
Oh and yea I'm so obessessed with Chilli banana. My emotions fluctuate according to him. Obessessed, obessed, obessed. There's this part of me that wants to know him and another that doesn't. But for me its good enough that he remains a stranger. At least i know that no matter what happens, i smile whenever i see him. Secret bliss. And yes, i know its going overboard people so hahas i won't rattle on and on about him =xXx though i can't promise but i'll try. I like him so much *beams* He's the reason why i look forward to school.
Oh yea i had this really sweet yet unexpected dream yesterday about X. Well yea it was really really very sweet. It kept me smiling when i woke up and i remember the dream so vividly. i don't know why =xXx I was so surprised that i dreamt of him but it was a lovely dream. :)) Well, the dream goes something like that. I was reading his blog and in his latest entry, it was about this girl that he adores and all the good qualities about her. And yea, i realise in the end that he was talking about me. ( i know its super thick skin muahahas) but still i had this tingling sensation hahas. =xXxXx i know i'm hopeless~ oh and the thing is in his blog ( in real life) he was talking about how he wants his first girlfriend to be his wife. =) sweet right. but yea the dream was totally unexpected. Crazy me~
See how my emotion changes these days. Shake head. I'm going nuts soon~
Oh yea and there is this movie called " March of the penguins" that is coming out soon. I want to watch it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to watch it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hint hint*
I'm glad that whenever i'm down, the thought of you comforts me. You're so much more..so much more than a friend. ¶ 4:28 PM
I hope no one can read my mind, they will be in for a shock.
What should i do ? I want to be alone but yet i don't want to be alone ! I'm being so paranoid. My mood swings are too sudden but does anyone know that i'm experiencing them? I believe they think i'm joking whenever i snap at them. Maybe its better that they think i'm simply fooling around like i normally would. Geesh..
I feel so guilty =( I don't like to snap at anyone or curse them secretly in my head. Its so hypocrital but it just happens before i can even object. The thoughts are just in my head. "She sucks !", " How dumb can she get asking such questions", "whatever, i can't be bothered to argue with you~". These are such some thoughts that go through my mind recently. I know its really mean. That's why i keep such thoughts all to myself. I know my limits, or do i ?
Anyway i realise we don't talk anymore. You were suppose to be special but i guess the word "special" is now devoid of meaning yea. You used to sms me everyday and we'll talk about almost anything but now..its no longer the same. I don't know when we stopped messaging each other. It just happened, right? If only you were truly special, the special you, you promised me. I guess you broke your promise. If that's the case, next time don't even let it start. Don't give me hope only to dash it.You don't like disappointment, its the same for me. I'm human, i have feelings too.
You changed..beyond my recognition.
And i have to see you leave.
On a lighter note..
Badminton Training was super duper fun yesterday ~ Coach actually brought food for us :)). Bet he's guilty after the monsterous training on monday. Most of us were aching all over from monday's training. We had physical training on monday and yea lots of footwork and running. That's why the badminton girls were all half dead yesterday. Muahahahas =x but it was fun and i believe that it will help us to improve. Hahas oh yea and we did half squats too. At first it was for 3 minutes, then 5, then 8 and finally 10 ! (-_-") my legs were trembling and shaking like i was going to experience spasm the next moment. Wobble wobble wobble away like a jelly~. Bev was very sweet to me during the squats :)). Thanks for your encouraging words Bev. -Hugs-
Oh and they gave me my belated birthday present yesterday. It was so sweet ~ It was a notebook with messages from each and every single one for them *smiles*. They bought the notebook from happy house and its bright yellow and pink with a cartoon pig on the cover. Hee thanks guys~ I read through the messages and i'm really touched. You sugery bunch of little things =pPPp..We have another year together and i hope we will get to know one another better yea. Let's keep the whole team together. Love the crazy times together.
Oh yea and people, there are some things that i didn't tell you guys=x
1) I pierced my ear again. This time on top where the cartilage( soft bone) is =xXx
2) I cut my hair. I have short hair now. =xXx
Double oOps yea. will post a picture of my new hairstyle really soon~ Don't get a heart attack when you guys see it yea.
Oh and yea I'm so obessessed with Chilli banana. My emotions fluctuate according to him. Obessessed, obessed, obessed. There's this part of me that wants to know him and another that doesn't. But for me its good enough that he remains a stranger. At least i know that no matter what happens, i smile whenever i see him. Secret bliss. And yes, i know its going overboard people so hahas i won't rattle on and on about him =xXx though i can't promise but i'll try. I like him so much *beams* He's the reason why i look forward to school.
Oh yea i had this really sweet yet unexpected dream yesterday about X. Well yea it was really really very sweet. It kept me smiling when i woke up and i remember the dream so vividly. i don't know why =xXx I was so surprised that i dreamt of him but it was a lovely dream. :)) Well, the dream goes something like that. I was reading his blog and in his latest entry, it was about this girl that he adores and all the good qualities about her. And yea, i realise in the end that he was talking about me. ( i know its super thick skin muahahas) but still i had this tingling sensation hahas. =xXxXx i know i'm hopeless~ oh and the thing is in his blog ( in real life) he was talking about how he wants his first girlfriend to be his wife. =) sweet right. but yea the dream was totally unexpected. Crazy me~
See how my emotion changes these days. Shake head. I'm going nuts soon~
Oh yea and there is this movie called " March of the penguins" that is coming out soon. I want to watch it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to watch it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *hint hint*
I'm glad that whenever i'm down, the thought of you comforts me. You're so much more..so much more than a friend. ¶ 4:28 PM
