Thursday, September 02, 2004
its just me
I've done it..i finally did it..! I have finally, brainlessly thrown away the last memories that we shared.. i lost my phone..all the messages that you sent me..are all finally gone..gone for life..gone forever..! i'll never have the chance to look at them again..ever since we broke up i have never looked at them..i told myself..i can't..i can only do it after i'm over you..but i'll never get a chance to look at them now..they are gone forever..thanks to me..yah idiotic me..i suck ! i give up..i'm just so clumpsy..i can't believe it..i actually left the phone on the bus and alighted without it..I ALIGHTED WITHOUT MY PHONE..i am such a failure..I feel like giving up..its so tiring..i'm tired of being so careless..all my parents says is "be more careful next time,learn from it" Mum, dad, i don't .. i haven't ..i haven't learn my lesson..i give up..mummy daddy i'm so sorry..i'm so tired..i didn't want to lose my phone..i don't mean it.. i feel upset too..i didn't want to .. i don't mean it..i know i have wasted lots and lots of your money..i'm so sorry..i've let you guys down again..i know i have said sorry so many times..but i really mean it each time.. but i just don't seem to learn, i don't know what's wrong with me..mummy, daddy i'm really sorry..i know i have been very mean to you guys..i don't know what has come over me..i love you mummy..daddy..i really do..everytime i do something wrong..i do feel guilty..i don't mean to break your hearts..i want to be the apple of your eyes..but all that i do always turns out wrong..i don't expect anything from you guys anymore..mum, dad, you have been too nice to me..i have been leading a overly complacent life, i don't want to waste your money..i had enough of myself..you may think its self reproach but i'm seriously very upset over this incident ! mummy, daddy, i feel entrapped. i want to be the obedient, sweet little girl i used to be..the naive little girl you guys fussed over..not this ill mannered, disrespectful girl..
And to the special guy in my life..this is it..the handphone has triggered everything..i've lose everything..i know its stupid to depend so much on the messages that you sent me..but i have already lose you.. all i have are memories..memories..the only thing you didn't take away from me..but now that my hp is gone.. i lost every message that you sent me..it was the thing i held on so dearly too..our past was all in the handphone and i lose it..i still love you but i can't have you..i love you so much..i'm deluding myself..telling myself its okay..its not okay..i want you back so badly..i cried when my brother deleted the messages that you sent me..fortunately he didn't delete all..but now i threw it all away..i don't want to..you're special..will always be special to me..i wanted to hold on to the memories because you were the first guy whom i love so much.. i'm sick of myself..no point crying over spilt milk..the handphone won't come back to me..you won't come back to me.. you're out of my life..i'll have to face it.. i'll be smiling again..after i shed all my tears..Jingfang you suck ! there was so many ominious sign that you are going to lose your phone..when i woke up..i couldn't find my phone..i took 45 mins to find it..after searching high and low for it.. you should haf gone to school without it instead.. then my phone was almost run over by a car at the school's carpark..and you didn't pay special attention to it.. still being that brainless girl..leaving it on the bus..!! *sigh*
¶ 4:22 PM
And to the special guy in my life..this is it..the handphone has triggered everything..i've lose everything..i know its stupid to depend so much on the messages that you sent me..but i have already lose you.. all i have are memories..memories..the only thing you didn't take away from me..but now that my hp is gone.. i lost every message that you sent me..it was the thing i held on so dearly too..our past was all in the handphone and i lose it..i still love you but i can't have you..i love you so much..i'm deluding myself..telling myself its okay..its not okay..i want you back so badly..i cried when my brother deleted the messages that you sent me..fortunately he didn't delete all..but now i threw it all away..i don't want to..you're special..will always be special to me..i wanted to hold on to the memories because you were the first guy whom i love so much.. i'm sick of myself..no point crying over spilt milk..the handphone won't come back to me..you won't come back to me.. you're out of my life..i'll have to face it.. i'll be smiling again..after i shed all my tears..Jingfang you suck ! there was so many ominious sign that you are going to lose your phone..when i woke up..i couldn't find my phone..i took 45 mins to find it..after searching high and low for it.. you should haf gone to school without it instead.. then my phone was almost run over by a car at the school's carpark..and you didn't pay special attention to it.. still being that brainless girl..leaving it on the bus..!! *sigh*
¶ 4:22 PM
